As we all continue to navigate the twists and turns of this pandemic, Miken and I continue to look at each other and say “well, this is redundant.”
We notice every day moments happening around us come up when humans are in a traumatic experience. We witness regressions and symptoms of pain everywhere. Projection, fear.
Your body is in stress response mode: fight, flight or freeze. And your child(ren)’s stress response is activated too. It’s been 8 weeks of this now, so you may be also be exhausted, the adrenaline wearing thin.
So how are you showing up right now as a parent? Honestly?
What’s really important to remember is everyone is probably showing up different: your friends, your parents, your neighbor, your kids, and your partner. When our stress response is activated, our biological systems take over, and typically they are ones we learned from when we were a child.
I’m going to say that again: our go-to stress response is one we most likely learned as a small child to stay safe.
Do you have an urge to run away? Hide under the covers? Are you paralyzed with the decisions? Are you fighting with all the anxiety to control everything? Are you pleasing everyone? Are you ignoring everyone? Are you “fine”?
Your children are watching your response and formulating their own trauma response in this time period. They are formulating one that makes it safe to be around you, because you are linked to their survival.
It’s interesting to bring awareness to this response. I’ll tell you mine: it’s freeze. That is my comfort — when I don’t know how to handle the stress, I cannot make decisions in fear I will make the wrong one or make someone angry (hello people pleasing!).
I’ve done a lot of work in this area since the accident. I have committed to making decisions in difficult times. And I want my children to see that trauma is real and there will always be inner-work to be done around it. I want them to see me show up for myself.
This week, we’re going to dive into what it is like to parent during a traumatic experience. Miken and I talk about our actual experience in parenting after the accident. We’ll provide tools, including how to show up in a partnership, and how to talk to little kids honestly and openly.
We believe the most important tool you can practice at this time is compassion with yourself. It’s a practice, of course. And it is vital to moving through trauma as a parent.
So, begin to notice your negative self-talk and offer yourself compassion in it.
